The Dysfunctional Parrot is all about random-but-interesting news and reviews. It is a blog of the wacky, the inane, the curious, the thought-inspiring, and the preposterous.

This site is devoted to giving you reviews of movies and books, cultural commentary and inside track on what is important right now without any of that plagiarized rehash BS which is so prevalent out there.  DysfunctionalParrot.com is 100% Parrot owned and operated and that means I adhere to some simple principles:

  1. No lazy and worthless “wire-copy”. ( Screw you corporate media )
  2. No selling the products I review.
  3. If I review it that means I’ve either read it, seen it or done it myself.
  4. …and if it sucks, I’ll tell you.
  5. NO articles from disconnected and indulged 12 year old suburbanites raised on Reddit. ( Will be shot on sight )

And much like my everyday non-parrot self, I have a hard time observing life without sarcastic and cynical commentary.  Like a dysfunctional parrot, I repeat what I see…but not quite the same way.

But I sense you have questions…

I like your fitness reviews. Can you do MORE Fitness Reviews?

I often will review many of the latest fitness packages that come my way as I am a home fitness junkie at heart.  It’s either that or I make a meth lab.  For the record, I am NOT a Beachbody coach or affiliated with the company in any way ( makers of P90X, Insanity, etc. ).  But yeah, safe to say that practically everyone else who does a review is.  Personally I have an allergic reaction to multi-level marketing that makes my rectum flare up like when I eat cashews.

Also due to the increased demand for more fitness reviews, I have graciously accepted the writing assistance of ShawzBear who will help with the occasional article/review.  Shawz takes a slightly different approach to fitness than myself as he has a heavy running focus, so the diversity of opinion will add to the content here nicely.


What happened to the Dysfunctional Parrot Podcast?

All good things must come to an end.  You can view the archives HERE, or you can accept this grim reality and move on.

For those looking for their regular dose of all things “Parrot”, might I recommend inRETROSPECT which is a video podcast on movie reviews of yesterday done with a comical twist.

Will you review MY Book?

No.  I’m not your mother…who by the way hates your book and is just too nice to tell you.

Can I write for DysfunctionalParrot.com?

I am currently open to the idea of submitted content.  The site has taken on a guest writer, ShawzBear who was able to pass the application procedure by carrying a glass of water over a chasm and dodging obstacles while not loosing a drop.  Impressive accomplishment, but I was still somewhat disappointed as I was actually looking forward mailing his crushed remains back to his family.

Writers should consider these topics: Fitness reviews, book reviews and movies that have not been previously reviewed here.   With other subjects such as “rants” I like to maintain creative control.   Any article should be humorous in nature, refrain from being too serious, have pictures with captions ( which I will Photoshop for you ) yet still provide information others would find useful.  And yes, I will link back to your site should you desire and all credit for the post goes to the actual author.  If you want to try it out get ahold of me via the contact page and we can hash out the details.  Just remember…no promises.  And oh yeah…no pay either.

How often is this site updated?

Contrary to the standard way of doing things on the net, I aim for quality over quantity ( again…screw you corporate media ).  That means no pretentious/pointless articles about self-discovery just to fill space.

I try to post at least one article a week.   A new video podcast ( inRETROSPECT ) is usually updated monthly, but often falls victim to the “whenever I dang well get around to it” schedule.  Things slow down just a wee bit for the summer while I enjoy the sun and run around naked in my backyard, get arrested for indecent exposure and fit in time for community service.  I’m also a husband with four kids, so go easy on me.  Ultimately, I have no intention of burning out so I maintain my one rule: have fun or don’t do it.  It’s not like I’m getting paid.