Back in 2001 I watched the towers fall as I was going about another day at college. I remember the aftermath of that event clearly…we wanted to find out who did it and break their balls with a rusty nutcracker. Slowly. Deliberately. And ten years later, we’re still there looking for crotches to maim.
No matter what your opinion on the present buffet of conflicts in the middle east, you really have to admit things haven’t exactly gone according to plan. Afghanistan has been one decade long confusing adventure where nobody really knows who the enemy is. Is it the Taliban? Is it the two-faced backstabbing nation of Pakistan? Do Afghans even WANT freedom again? Man, it makes me long for a time when villains were easily identifiable psychopaths who tied women to railroad tracks.
All in all, America has spent incredible sums of money it doesn’t have trying to kill 2 men: Saddam and Osama. Now I don’t know what a precision guided missile costs, but I’m sure it would max my credit limit. But we racked up the MasterCard anyway because we assumed that you really can’t put a price on revenge. Remember when Saddam was hanged and everyone though it would be a brave new world for Iraq? Let’s just say I’m not exactly planning my next holiday to be in Baghdad because it has gone from a dictatorship to an insane mosh-pit of rabid badgers.
And of course, the celebrations over Bin Laden getting harpooned were also pointless. I have a hard time believing a 6 foot 4 turbaned diabetic was really all that crucial to the war on terror. He was just a face.
So now President Obama is about to present a plan to bring closure to the American military presence in Afghanistan. I don’t envy his position. Really, this is just Vietnam all over again because there’s no way to win this war. It’s like World of Warcraft over there that has one conflict after another with no end.
Aside from doing the unthinkable and nuking the place, what else can you do BUT cut and run? Unless you plan on setting up shop and running the joint, you cannot win. War “in the old days” meant you rolled into town, put your flag in the ground and popped a cap in anyone who had a problem with it. But since the world would choke on its own vomit were Afghanistan to ever be drafted as the next state in the United Empire of America, there is no alternative except packing up like Rhett Butler and telling Scarlett that we just no longer give a damn.
What America wants to do after the troops come home is another story. Do we chill out, pop a TV dinner in the microwave and pay off some bills or do we instead go straight to Libya for the next Michael Bay special effects sequel?
Place your bets?
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