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Want to Write for The Dysfunctional Parrot?

by John Paul Parrot

So, you want to write for the Dysfunctional ParrotExcellent!  After long deliberations with the dark overlords who control every aspect of our lives from the shadows, I have decided to open things up to having occasional guest writers.

There are of course, submission guidelines that will assist you in providing me with content that I can neither pay for nor reimburse you for in any way:

  1. Pitch your idea first.  Contact me via Facebook Messenger.  Do not send a complete, unsolicited manuscript from the get-go.
  2. Articles for now must remain focused on fitness concepts.
  3. Articles that review new and popular fitness programs are being hoarded by yours truly.  Rank has its privilege.
  4. Profanity and sexual content are highly discouraged.  Keep it no more saucy than a Simpsons episode.  This is a safe for work site.
  5. Read some articles here to get an idea of length and scope.  A few paragraphs is too short, but don’t overcompensate and create a dissertation.
  6. Give your article a personal touch.  Have a little fun with it where possible.
  7. Try and leave politics out of it.  I say this as a favor to you.
  8. Plagiarized or copyrighted material will not be accepted.
  9. If you are a Beachbody coach or fitness program re-seller, your article cannot have affiliate links whatsoever.
  10. Try to incorporate at least 2 pictures with captions to break article into digestible sizes.  Images must be obtained legally via an image service ( Getty, Shutterstock, etc. ).  If you do not have any I can usually provide them from sites that offer legally free images.  Clipart-library.com is a good place to start.
  11. Articles must be in legible and professional English.  If you can’t be bothered to write it good, I can’t be bothered to read it.
  12. Accept that 2 or 3 rewrites will be required at a minimum.  I also reserve the right to squash your writing dreams should your article not be compatible with this site.  Not all submissions will be accepted.

In the chance you get the thumbs up from the throne of Caesar, several additional things will be required:

  1. An e-mail address attached to a Gravatar image.
  2. A short “About the Author” blurb that will be at the bottom of your post.
  3. Any links to website or social media accounts you would like in the aforementioned author-box ( optional ).

Good luck!

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