For years I have dove into workout reviews with the kind of fearlessness reserved for superheroes. But I must admit, anything from Shaun T is starting to instil in me a sense of overwhelming fear. The man is merciless, and his 30-day fitness program Asylum Volume 2 is every bit the deadly sequel to the original that one would expect.
For the uninitiated, Asylum Volume 2 by Beachbody follows in the footsteps of its extreme cardio/sports training predecessor. Only instead of trying to merely maim you, volume 2 is straight up aiming to send your sorry sweat-ridden hide to the morgue. As such, if you’re a regular bloke thinking today is a good day to start getting fit, this program is not for you in any way whatsoever unless today is also a good day to die. If Asylum vol1 was for Insanity grads, this too is for vol. 1 grads.
What’s in the box:
For $59 you get 6 DVD’s, a program + food guide, a workout calendar, and an opportunity to win a really nice shirt. No agility ladder is included as they assume you already got one from Asylum Volume 1. Which you did…right?
Time: 25 minutes
Seeing as I’m going to be Shaun T’s punching bag fot the next 30 days, perhaps it’s a good idea to take an orientation.
This is a short intro with Shaun showing you the basics of ladder drills, but it really doesn’t matter. You’ll be an uncoordinated sloth compared to Shaun so this will only serve to remind you of your frail, aging, and ever growing incompetence. Parrot sad.
Time: 50 minutes
My seven year old daughter was up puking four times last night leaving me any my wife to change the sheets just as many times. But here I am at 6 am ready to do this anyway because I know the internet needs me lest it further fall victim to inferior reviews. But honestly, I had no idea a child’s stomach could hold that much.
However, I digress.
Remember when you thought Tony Horton’s airborne pushups from P90X were all that and a bag of chips? That’s child’s play here as you’re flying up and down the ladder and generally doing unthinkable things to your body. When the push-up sequence finally ends, you’ll be done…but you’ll also only be a third of the way through the workout!
Learn to love your ladder here because you’ll be using it a lot. It will take some time to get the sequences down which became clear rather quickly as my wife thought I was having a seizure.
X-Trainer seems divided into 5 segments that go after speed, strength, plyo, and balance. What is also obvious is that Shaun hates you. Like the unholy offspring of a tarantula and a deformed hermit crab, X-Trainer is the horrible yet freakishly awesome offspring of all Asylum workouts combined into one total body monster.
Words of dread: “Now the other side…”
Time: 60 minutes
Hope you all like push-ups, because you’ll be doing them in whole new terrible ways. Better eat a good breakfast, because it’s a long way home!
As expected, this focuses on chest, triceps, shoulders and biceps with the occasional break to burn off some ladder speed drills. There’s not much in common with its predecessor Asylum: Strength from volume 1 which was more of a total body circuit training experience. This is more isolated and sticks to the top half and as such puts it in a class all its own.
I also noticed Shaun T colour co-ordinates his shoes and shorts. Today was red shoes/shorts day. What a guy!
Words of dread: Only half way through, “That was just a warm up…”
Time: 55 minutes
When it comes to burning out legs, Shaun T is the undisputed master of ceremonies. So I wasn’t really nervous at all before going into this one. No, I was terrified.
To start you do a warmup that is what you’d come to expect from Shaun T: a painful “this is a warmup???” sequence. As expected there is a lot of ladder work and Shaun T gets after anyone who hits the ladder, even himself. I’m just grateful he’s not in my house or Shaun would beat me down with a lead pipe.
The first half is all plyo, then it goes into making every second move a weighted move for the last half. My suggestion would be to get ahold of a 10-15 lb kettle-bell because many moves are perfect for them. In fact, Shaun calls one move the “kettle-bell swing”, so there you go.
To end the workout you do a hop-squat leg burnout with weight that goes on for longer than my legs would permit me to finish. It is inhuman…it is Hell! So if you finish this workout without taking any breaks and not hitting the ladder then congratulations…you’re Batman.
Words of dread: “I’m going to kill you today.”
Can the Dysfunctional Parrot hang in there and bring the information to the unwashed masses? Can he continue to transform himself to a vision of physical awesomeness? Can he ever have shoes as cool as Shaun T? All these questions and more will absolutely be answered in Part 2!
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