Go Fish!


You can tell a lot about a person by their car.  A Toyota Prius is usually driven by an environmentally conscious person.  A Dodge Caravan by a middle-class family man.  And finally, a Ford truck with naked women decals by the lowest common denominator of humanity that make me want to publicly deny I even have a penis.

Which brings me to the latest fad in auto detailing…the anti-Jesus fish.

At one point in time I actually had a Jesus fish on my old Dodge Omni.  The big problem however was that I was young, impulsive, and had a tempter hotter than Dante’s Inferno.  So I took it off, lest my driving habits reflect bad on Jesus.

Then they started popping up.  First it was the Darwin fish.  When I first saw one I immediately thought, wow…what an insensitive putz.

But at the same time it has now become a parody of itself.  Darwin fish is now eaten by Jesus fish is eaten by alien fish which are eaten by a Tyrannosaurus Rex who is being roundhouse kicked in the face by the Messiah Himself.  In what was initially supposed to be a slap in the Christian face is now just a long, drawn out version of Abbott and Costello’s “Who’s on First”.

It’s not even Darwinists anymore. If you can name it, slap it on a fish.

In many ways, it says something good about Christians in general.  The fact that we’re not ripping them off cars and demanding somebody die for this blasphemy.  Or maybe that we can drive past these people and not scream out our windows declaring they will burn eternally.  Well, unless they cut me off in traffic.  Then their blood is demanded!!

I’m proud that we take blasphemous portrayals of our faith by outsiders with a meek attitude.  We do not seek revenge or compensation.  Nor do we seek that the government “do something about it”.  Of that we should all be most thankful because government intervention usually finds a way to worsen the situation.

Make no mistake, if mocking depictions of Mohammed were on bumper stickers, all Hell would break loose. People would get hurt, I guarantee it.  Christianity is turning the other cheek and not seeking retribution.  Such ideas of morality are not shared by many Islamists who would gladly rip your cheek from your face and sodomize your dead remains for any display against the peaceful religion of Islam…if it were not for the laws of the country that were founded on Judeo-Christian principles preventing them from doing so.  Should you doubt that then by all means go to Saudi Arabia and give it a shot.

So to any atheist out there who has a Darwin fish, all I can really say to you is have a good laugh.  We accept your right to do so.  We laugh at you too so I guess we’re all having a good chuckle over the situation.  But please, at least realize that those you are laughing at are rolling with it and not seeking to strap an IED to your car in the name of Allah.

© 2011 – 2015, Dysfunctional Parrot. All rights reserved. No reproduction of written material is permitted.

About Author

John Paul Parrot ( aka. The Dysfunctional Parrot ) is a disgruntled Systems Analyst who wanders the Canadian wastelands saving small villages with the power of Kung Fu.  His chair is also a little too close to the twenty year old microwave.  As you can well imagine, this has had certain side effects.

  • dave

    Interesting, when I first saw a Jesus fish on the back of a car I didn't know what it was, the funny Greek writing on the inside of the fish just added to my confusion. A few years later I saw my first fish with legs and the word "Darwin" in the center, I couldn't help but think of how ridiculous that was…Then the light came on.

    That was my introduction to atheism.