Pop Quiz…what are the protesters on Wall Street protesting? Maybe it’s corporate greed, corporate welfare, no jobs, not good enough jobs, not enough wealth redistribution, low wages, or cold pizza. And that’s really unfortunate, because what might have been a worthwhile demonstration of solidarity against corporate/government greed and corruption has instead become a completely botched gathering of misguided souls who cry the same contradictory messages…
#5. Rich People Stink. I Want to be Rich.
Capitalism, for all it’s positive accolades, is really about one thing…pursuing the American dream. And that dream is to be richer than Joe next door so you can feel better about yourself as a human being. It’s about bigger cars, bigger houses and bigger breasts. The opposite of that is Socialism, where the government happily tells you where to go and how to get there and rewards you by giving you a home and food paid for by the state. The former you become self-sufficient, and the latter you become a pet.
Make no mistake, there is absolutely a disconnect between the stinking rich and the common cubicle monkey. My CEO is so lost in his own warped reality that I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a three-ring circus in the server room when I showed up tomorrow. But despite the fact that he is a worthless, idiotic, greedy waste of protein and grease, we all have a bit of this in us. It’s like a seed, and money makes it grow.
Take any cheesy bearded hipster protester, give him a million dollars and he would tell his friends where to go with the help of his middle finger.
#4. Don’t You People Have Jobs?
I have a hard time believing that so many young people with top of the line electric devices and designer clothes are homeless and unemployed. Call me crazy, but I’m assuming that these folks for the most part have a home to go to and a meal waiting for them in the fridge…probably made by their mom.
Of course times are tough. America couldn’t be more screwed if they were Lindsay Lohan. No really. That’s not possible. Industry is dying and credit limits are maxed out and getting more inflated by the second. We have outsourced our economy, but don’t have what it takes to get it back. That’s why the bitter pill of socialism is getting easier to swallow, and if it’s one thing everyone can’t get enough of it’s “easy”. Because when the local manufacturer moves to Korea and your home now has the resale value of a cardboard box, socialism looks like a glorious “Get out of Jail Free” card that gets hard to resist. Like Esau, most would gladly sell their birthright for a hot bowl of soup.
#3. Maybe Try the White House
Corporations really couldn’t give a rats glute what these people are protesting. They’re just ticked off that parking is a nightmare and they have to bring a bag lunch to avoid the gypsy camp outside their doors armed with iPhones. The protest is merely a nuisance. The problems here need to be addressed from the top. That means taking it to the President and the rest of the boot licking politicians.
I don’t know if we can get all these bonehead protesters onto a bus and ship them off to Washington, but it’s worth a try. Maybe if we had a little more trade rules to protect local manufacturing there would be actual jobs left in America instead of EVERYTHING being made in China. Corporations are going to outsource because the laws say they can, and they have no intention of changing that. Unless the playing field is even, few companies can charge more for having their product “Made in America”.
#2. Have a Point.
Shakespeare said it best when he proclaimed that “brevity is the soul of wit”. Fortunately for Shakespeare he never foresaw the dawn of Twitter. Twitter is without a doubt the biggest piece of time wasting techno-garbage in existence that has done more to destroy the proper use of language than Rocky Balboa at a poetry recital. And yes…I’m on it. But it’s kind of a necessary evil in the writing business and I’d like to think that I keep my posts rare, and relevant. Not so…
It’s like, so like, I mean really, you know.
When protests took place over Vietnam and racial inequality the message was loud and it was damn clear. All we have here is a million voices all trying to shout over each other and nobody can make out what the heck anyone is even trying to say. There is no cohesion, no unifying force. For the most part it’s…
#1. Pretty Much Over-run by Hipsters.
You wake up one day and decide to leave the embryonic sack of home to make your way in the real world. Wait…I need a job? An apartment? No meals made for me? I can’t afford the new iPhone 4S and have to settle for an $#@! ANDROID??? Screw that.
Complaining about ones raw deal in life might have a ring of truth if I didn’t see these kids tweeting on electronic toys that are more expensive than the piece of garbage 93 Dodge Shadow I commute to work in that has only one working speaker and coughs like a Welsh coal miner when starting. Somewhere, somebody must be floating the bill that allows them to take all the time in the world to have an extended leave of absence from work and home to just hang out and carry a sign.
Ask any of then why they’re protesting and you’ll get more answers than a room of Rabbis discussing Kosher. Usually it will be some “ironic” looking hipster dude yelling, “Screw corporate America!!”…which tells me shockingly little and doesn’t have a tangible solution. And this reveals the truth of the protest: This is just one big holiday for them isn’t it?
Sorry kids. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. No yellow brick road. You get a crappy apartment where you live next to a man married to his cat, and work your way up to the deep fryer at Denny’s. Maybe you’ll get a degree and move up to a respectable job where you spend 9 hours a day incarcerated in a padded cell and the boss is some buzzed Prozac popping guy in a suit from Wal-Mart who tells you that if you want to advance in your job, you might want to consider learning golf. And that my friends, would be considered making it.
There are a lot of injustices in life worth protesting over. Child prostitution. Racism. Religious intolerance. Ethnic cleansing. But sorry, Wall Street not giving you a free ride is not among them. If I could tweet advice to these protesters, it would be this: Get over yourselves, because despite what your parents have always told you, you’re really not even remotely special.
Now get a haircut, shave that defective excuse for a beard off your face and walk into one of those office buildings with a resume.
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