Conficker Worm To Kill Internet. I Wish.

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Oooohhh, this time its different people! The media outlets are telling us to be afraid, so very afraid! I’ve already got my beans and ammo and a case of gold ( well, gold painted lead anyway ) to ride out the approaching apocalypse!

Malware creators love to target April Fool’s Day with their wares, and the latest worm, called Conficker C, could be one of the most damaging attacks we’ve seen in years.  It’ll make Y2K look like nothing actually happened at all!  Wait…

Technology experts ( aka. People who have no idea how to set their clock radios ) are telling us this could be the big one that has the potential to drop the internet. We should be so lucky.

Take it from a guy who works in news media AND Information Technology…your Mac is going to be fine. What? You’re running Windows?? Oh man, you’re screwed.

But thanks in part to a quarter-million-dollar bounty on the head of the writer of the worm, offered by Microsoft, security researchers are aggressively digging into the worm’s code as they attempt to engineer a cure or find the writer before the deadline. I’d personally invest that money into the development of an operating system that doesn’t totally suck, but I guess Apple has that base covered already.

Should the internet suffer a fatal blow, we can all rest assured that company productivity will go up, people will seek out friendships instead of resorting to Facebook, newspapers will once again become relevant, and Playboy subscriptions will skyrocket in the absence of internet smut.

So don’t fear the worm. Embrace it! Instead I recommend removing all anti-virus software from your home PC. While you’re at it, remove it from your work PC as well. Trust me, the IT staff is cool with it.

Do your part to usher in a new and promising utopia!

© 2009 – 2014, Dysfunctional Parrot. All rights reserved. No reproduction of written material is permitted.

About Author

John Paul Parrot ( aka. The Dysfunctional Parrot ) is a disgruntled Systems Analyst who wanders the Canadian wastelands saving small villages with the power of Kung Fu.  His chair is also a little too close to the twenty year old microwave.  As you can well imagine, this has had certain side effects.

  • Way too funny!! Loved it.

  • Joe

    I've heard from multiple sources that the Conficker worm won't be a threat to Mac users, thank goodness

  • DysfunctionalParrot

    Mac OS X uses Unix code as the core of their operating system which is in no way similar to Windows code. No Windows virus would activate on a Mac.

  • My husband loaded a Mac operating system on to a Dell, so if he is able to do that, and successfully I might add, Mac's code could be compromised as well. The arrogance about the Mac is going to be thier down fall.

  • DysfunctionalParrot

    Proud owner of a Hackintosh myself!
    http://dysfunctionalparrot.wordpress.com/2008/11/

    And the Mac will fail…NEVERRRRRRRR! The thing about the Mac OS is that the code ( Unix ) has been around for ages, and as such is much harder to compromise. Windows is almost too easy to resist.

  • There was a virus that was written for the Mac not too long ago. The thing is, the Windows users are a much bigger target than Mac users. Windows makes up about 90% of the desktop market. Mac popularity is growing and making them a bigger target. If the percentage were reversed, Mac would have the same problems as Windows.
    Looked at your Hackintosh. Not bad but you are using compatible components. That's not a true Hackintosh. Take any laptop (Dell, IBM, etc.) and run it on one of those. That was the fun part. Getting it to run on hardware it was not designed for.

  • DysfunctionalParrot

    OX X on a Dell huh, impressive. I guess anything that has the Core 2 Duo is technically compatible, as that's all Mac's are now. Where there's a will there's a way!

    Viruses attack operating system code, BUT if one was ever crafty enough to somehow affect the BIOS regardless of OS platform, then we'd have global anarchy at the microchip level!!

    I think I may have found a new hobby…

  • Thought about that as well…It's also made more vulnerable by the browser, plugins and additional software. The last hack contest was a Mac, Windows Vista and Ubuntu. The mac fell first. It was an exploit not directly from the OS but additional software that was preinstalled.

  • Just went ahead and asked the desktop support after reading.
    Seems like this is the one that creates several file loops and erases files from your drive,, sweet

    • Well, this article is pretty old too. Not sure if it even applies anymore. Just take my advice and get a Mac.