So, you want to write for the Dysfunctional Parrot? Excellent! After long deliberations with the dark overlords who control every aspect of our lives from the shadows, I have decided to open things up to having occasional guest writers.
There are of course, submission guidelines that will assist you in providing me with content that I can neither pay for nor reimburse you for in any way:
- Pitch your idea first. Contact me via Facebook Messenger. Do not send a complete, unsolicited manuscript from the get-go.
- Articles for now must remain focused on fitness concepts.
- Articles that review new and popular fitness programs are being hoarded by yours truly. Rank has its privilege.
- Profanity and sexual content are highly discouraged. Keep it no more saucy than a Simpsons episode. This is a safe for work site.
- Read some articles here to get an idea of length and scope. A few paragraphs is too short, but don’t overcompensate and create a dissertation.
- Give your article a personal touch. Have a little fun with it where possible.
- Leave politics out of it. I say this as a favor to you.
- Plagiarized or copyrighted material will not be accepted.
- If you are a Beachbody coach or fitness program re-seller, your article cannot have affiliate links whatsoever.
- Try to incorporate at least 2 pictures with captions to break article into digestible sizes. Images must be obtained legally via an image service ( Getty, Shutterstock, etc. ). If you do not have any I can usually provide them from sites that offer legally free images. Clipart-library.com is a good place to start.
- Articles must be in legible and professional English. If you can’t be bothered to write it good, I can’t be bothered to read it.
- Accept that 2 or 3 rewrites will probably be required. I also reserve the right to squash your writing dreams should your article not be compatible with this site. Not all submissions will be accepted.
- You’re wondering about payment? Bwa ha ha!!! Sniff!!…aargh…AAAA!!! I just snorted hot coffee up my nose!!!!
In the chance you get the thumbs up from the throne of Caesar, several additional things will be required:
- An e-mail address attached to a Gravatar image.
- A short “About the Author” blurb that will be at the bottom of your post.
- Any links to website or social media accounts you would like in the aforementioned author-box ( optional ).