As fast as I crank out a fitness review something else comes along.  And that something is Somanabolic, which has almost gone viral.  What is it?  Well allow me to once again put a bullet through the head of BS and explain to you what this is all about because be damned if I can find a review for this that wasn’t an adver-torial.  In other words, a site that has a vesting interest in selling you the product.

So what is Somanabolic?  The Diet Coke description is this: The entire program is a download containing eBooks, some instructional videos, and a couple MS Excel files for diet calculations.  That’s it.  Sorry if you were expecting more.

somanabolic screenshot

When I initially went to learn about the product I had to endure a painfully long sales-pitch presented by Kyle Leon who, to his credit, explains the obstacles to gaining muscle mass in his video very well.  Well, eventually he does.  With some help from experienced advertisers he also knows exactly how to hit a man in his most vulnerable mental spot but implying physical weakness means we are at the bottom of the pecking order and women are secretly horrified at the sight of us.  Not unlike my life as a Systems Analyst.  You get the same ego bruising sales-pitch from Bow-Flex ads.

If I had to question Kyle on one thing it would be the reasons for his fitness goals.  For example, Tony Horton is known for saying that feeling good and quality of life are big motivators.  Kyle?  Girls.  Several times during the sales pitch we are reminded how the shiksas gravitate to big and brawny, and that being a chiselled specimen means you’ll have more hotties following you around than David Lee Roth in the 80’s ( not his paid escorts now ).  Don’t get me wrong, we all want to impress the ladies ( or wife! ) with tickets to the “gun show”, but using your newfound muscles to pick up STD-ridden skanks at a nightclub clearly indicate you should work on issues that go beyond skin deep solutions.

Now I’m not saying the product is crap or anything.  On the contrary is is a very well thought out system that takes the guesswork out of creating custom meal plans while also allowing you to customize your food choices too.  In short, this takes the resources that a high paid nutritionist would charge you and puts it into your cheap little hands.  Because let’s face it, all they’re doing is using a spreadsheet too!

A major plus for the program is how it takes your body-type into consideration ( Ecto, Meso, and Endomorph ) which is a feature often flat out ignored by conventional diet plans.  It also contains a workout guide which is very focused on weight training and Kyle is very up front by saying unless you work out at LEAST 5 hours a week this programs is of no value to you.  The section on supplements is informative, but comes off as a sales-pitch for Kyle’s sponsors.  But hey, the guy has to pay his bills too right?

baby redbull

I’ll be up front, I’ve done P90X, P90X2, Insanity, Asylum, Rushfityadda yadda…but the number one nemesis I fight is proper food intake.  Without proper nutrition, you will NOT see the results you see on any of the infomercials.  After my first round of P90X, I was indeed faster and stronger…but I looked practically the SAME.  Why?  Because all that awesomeness was still under a layer of goo.  After Insanity I was slightly better but only because I was working my ass off.  Only now am I getting my act together and seeing results because I eat the proper quantities of the proper food.

Somanabolic, while seemingly small is nonetheless a very useful tool for those who just can’t get a results they seek.  Food is 90% of the battle no matter what high-profile workout program you have.  So if you need a little guidance and don’t have the big bucks for an Olympic sports nutritionist, this might hold the answers you seek at a fraction of the cost. That having been said, there are much less expensive options out there.soma_rate2

Final score is 2 Feathers out of Five.  The program is difficult to score because while it is indeed a good spreadsheet that will undoubtedly give you vital information, you might expect more for the obscene $50 price-tag and thus be left more than just a little disappointed.  The advertising campaign also leads you to believe that you will get much more for your money considering the way they hype it.  If I had any suggestions, it would be to make the spreadsheet a stand-alone application and have the option to have a community of followers contribute to the food list.  And of course, drop the price.  Seriously.

PROS: Once your personal info is set, it makes meal plans at the click of a button thus taking the guesswork out of food prep.  In short, this is what the sports nutritionists use to screw you out of your cash.

CONS: It’s really only an Excel spreadsheet.  It’s a very good one, but you will require Excel to make it go thus making this a catastrophic ripoff.  It may run on OpenOffice or NeoOffice but you better double-check with the seller…assuming you’re brave enough to give them your e-mail address considering their viral marketing strategy.  $50 also seems a little pricey for what is essentially a souped-up calorie counter and easily copied from a $5 App Store purchase.

© 2012 – 2015, Dysfunctional Parrot. All rights reserved. No reproduction of written material is permitted.

About Author

John Paul Parrot ( aka. The Dysfunctional Parrot ) is a disgruntled Systems Analyst who wanders the Canadian wastelands saving small villages with the power of Kung Fu.  His chair is also a little too close to the twenty year old microwave.  As you can well imagine, this has had certain side effects.

  • Millerofmadison

    DP, are the meal plans in Somanabolic stuff that is readily available, good, and doesn’t require you to spend an hour or more in the kitchen every meal? That’s my beef with the P90X2 meal plans (and those from P90X as well). And the nutrition aspect is my weakest link. I’m doing plenty of high intensity workouts each week but still can’t shake the last of the ab flab (granted, it took me 51 years to add so it will probably take more than 12 months to shed).

    • The meal plans are for the most part, pretty basic and very customizable.  In fact, that’s one of the programs real strengths is just how much food data they have entered.

      That having been said, if you’re just looking for a calorie counter then you’d probably find just as good of options for your iPhone ( assuming you have one.  What?  You don’t?  BANG! ) for around $5.00

      My personal choice?  Calorie Counter Pro by MyNetDiary for the iPod/Phone.  Hard to beat at $4.99.

      • D Walk

        Dysfunctional Parrot- You are Genius, Direct, Concise, Humorous, but honest Thanks for breaking this down..K Leon’s Ads are almost more Virus than Ad… This is the first I have read of your work and I am very impressed.

        • And you my friend are very perceptive and clearly a flawless judge of character! Thanks for the compliments and I hope you find more of the same here at…the last bastion of hope for the internet!

        • Hello again D Walk,

          Again, my name is Kelly S.P. and I’m a senior customer
          service representative for Kyle Leon brands.

          Our brands have successfully helped hundreds of

          thousands of people in over 150 countries around the world. I am sorry that you you feel the way that you do but I can assure you that I am a live person and our brand is very real.

          I ask you to please contact me immediately should you have any questions.

          Thank you,
          Kelly S.P.
          Muscle Meals Inc.

  • Kelly SP

    Hi there,

    I represent the Somanabolic Muscle Maximizer &
    Customized Fat Loss programs by Kyle Leon. I came across this review so I
    thought that I would make a post is case anyone would like to talk to me about
    our programs.

    Kelly S.P

    Muscle Meals Inc.

    • D Walk

      Kelly SP…… you have got to be kidding me? Are you a Cylon? You know … look like Human but desended from a machine like a Robot…..?

      • D Walk,

        No joke, I am a real person :) If you have questions reagrading the program, feel free to contact me at

        Kelly S.P
        Muscle Meals Inc.

        • Thank you Kelly! Like you, I too am a real person. Zzzt. DIE HUMAN SCUM!! Zzzzt. Real person…

          • Kelly SP


            I really wish that I could undertand what the problem is here or where these comments stem from. If you are interested in actually speaking with me, I advise you to contact me directly.

            Thank you,
            Kelly S.P.
            Muscle Meals Inc.

          • Sorry Kelly, but this is a site for being brutally honest about reviews on fitness, movies and culture. As such it is not the place for advertising representatives to use as a means of free advertising and as such your posts come off as poor taste and desperate plugs.

            That having been said I’m placing my chips on the fact you are more likely a fifty year old balding man from India, and not “Kelly” any more than I’m a talking bird.

            But don’t feel bad. I’m balding too. :)

          • Kelly S.P.

            lol Sorry “Dysfunctional Parrot” but your thoughts on me couldn’t be more wrong. I am simply here …and everywhere… to provide my contact deatils so that I can be of help to our customers and non customers. Thanks for allowing me to put me email address out there so that I can assist people :) Again my email address is kelly@*****.com

          • Great Ceasar’s Ghost, you’re like some kind of crazed virus. And one with the tact of a battleship at that. I’d say my thoughts on you are laser accurate. Frighteningly so in fact.

            But there you go folks. Deal with Somanabolic and you’ll be hounded by viral-Kelly…so choose wisely.

          • Chris

            I’m a little upset dp. I keep emailing kelly@*****.com and it keeps bouncing back. I mostly wanted to ask her on a date now I have packed on my slabs of lean muscle, cos even if she is a robot she’s pretty cute ! Problem is I’m starting to think that ******.com is not a real domain….

          • Finally had to delete the domains because it was just intolerable the amount of exposition “Kelly” was trying to get.

            Don’t worry about not getting your date. One you peel back the avatar I think you’d find either a 50 year old MALE migrant worker or a killer cyborg. Although either would be a night you wouldn’t forget!

  • pmguinness

    Interesting comments from an article that is advertising viagra, redbull and a girl barfing in a toliet

    • Wait…I’m advertising a girl in a toilet? Get one now! Just in time for Christmas!

      Ahem…the pictures only make sense if you take time to read. ( long awkward stare )

    • Doc

      Good ‘ol pmguinness … brain dead and still posting.

  • I actually just cancelled the trial and did a refund request. I’m more of a home gym guy and it’s not possible for me to get to the gym 5 days a week. I’d have to spend around 1900$ to properly equip my gym, which is fine, but I don’t want to wait that long (that and there’s logistics as my wife, 2 cats and I are in a two bedroom apartment. I did however take a look at Body Beast and will start there. I still have to get some weight and ez bar but do have a power rack and bench. From there, I’m trying to decide on Tai cheng for flexibility balance or p90x for overall cardio. My thing would be is I wouldn’t want to lose any muscle I built up with BB. I added your fb page to my interests, so I’ll keep in touch. I LOVE the way you write.

  • Doc

    Hey DP, man, you have got some serious Mo’jo going on here. There are a number of people fighting back against the insane and never ending rip offs perpetrated by the “fitness industry” … if swilling and swallowing pure “snake oil” potions qualifies as fitness. Keep fighting the good fight, and wtf, hit on Kelly to see if she will play.

    • Thanks! And I’m still convinced Kelly is a fifty year old balding man from a call centre in India.

      • Doc

        Too funny!!! I once made the mistake (just once mind you) of getting into an IM “conversation” with a fricking Bot that insisted it was a Jordanian girl. One of those things where you had to be there to really appreciate it … absolutely hilarious.

      • Doc

        Hey DP, how about reviewing the supplements that claim to be Nitric Oxide enhancers? My bad if you’ve all ready done this. However, the original, and only, study with L-Arginine as a NO booster used an intervaneous form of doses somewhere in the 30 gram range if memory serves me well. Some 23 studies by the “snake oil” pushing supplement companies later not a single oral form has resulted in any increase in NO. First pass through the gut destroys L-Arginine. Just Google NO booster and watch the utter crap pages pop up. Using the word “may” really needs to be banned in supplement advertising.

        • I did cover nitric oxide supplements somewhat in this review about recovery drinks…

          I too, feel they are pretty much a waste of good money.

          • Doc

            Okay, got it. There’s a research scientist in Maryland that has reviewed the various studies on supplements. It’s been a few years since I’ve been on his web page, however, at that time creatine was the only supplement he claimed performed as advertised.

  • Chris

    Brilliant. Insightful, clear and accurate reviews. Infact it was such a good review I now need to know where to bulk buy red bull for toddlers !

  • Markela Williams-Collins

    DP is there a better program you recommend? Two out of five feathers is not optimistic….

    • Somanabolic is simply a catastrophic rip off for the price it is asking. I recommend a good calorie counter from any App Store which I’m sure can be acquired for well under $5. To be honest, if you eat right in the first place then even that would be unnecessary.

      Plus, the way the creators of Somanabolic spam comment forums leads me to believe they’re in damage control mode. Am I right there “Kelly”? :)

  • SEM

    Hummm…I have never heard of this…kinda glad now too… Just eat right and exercise…everything will come into place….eventually…lmao

  • DAM

    I honestly could not believe this product has been on the market for 2yrs. I can only assume the rock I live under is much more comfortable than imagined. Long & short thank you for the review. I was truly contemplating wasting $50, but I’ll just put that back in my pocket.