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The Tren Twins – Candles Burning Twice as Bright




The journey to personal best in fitness takes many paths.  A workout video, getting a home gym or maybe taking a brisk a morning run in the Edmonton snow.

Just another day in paradise.

And of course, what goes into the body is just as important.  Clean farm fresh produce and meats, quality vitamins and my personal favorite, a Vitamix blending of protein powder and moose testicles.  And if all that is still not enough, then welcome to the whole new world of barely legal and highly suspect fitness “supplements” that will insure your candle burns twice as bright, and half as long.

Which of course, brings me to the controversial duo known as the Tren Twins.  A couple of roided young men on mission to get massive at any cost.  The core issue has less to do about the two jacked lads, and more with a message that I see resonating with far too many young men.  A message that is leading to a disturbing increase in the use of SARMS…short for Selective Androgen Receptor Modulators.  SARMS mimic testosterone and steroids; kind of a two for one punch.  And they are the new kid in town.

The Tren Twins openly talk about their muscle building journey using absolutely insane training combined with every substance short of silverback gorilla blood.  Steroids, Tren, SARMS…it’s all on the table…supposedly.  There’s not much natural about these boys, and that’s the draw.  At over 1.2 million subscribers, people are tuning in to watch either a how-to video, a slow-motion trainwreck or both.

Can’t argue with the marketing success.

And despite the meathead, low IQ act, don’t believe it.  These boys are a lot smarter than they are letting on.

Which brings me to explain another term: Tren.  That’s not the twins last name, it’s short for Trenbolone.  It is a powerful anabolic steroid, is experimental, works fast, and will mess you up if abused.  And to be fair, they have never said they use it.

And I’m sure they haven’t.

Its perfectly legal as long as you’re not human.  If you get your hands on any there’s a pretty good chance it’s from underground laboratories or was originally intended for Bessy the cow.  So how much faith you have in the source of pharmaceuticals with no oversight is your call.  Unlike SARMS where versions like RAD-140 can be somewhat reliably obtained, Trenbolone quality is a crap shoot.

Commentators fall on one side or the other when it comes to the influence of the Tren Twins.  Some see the dangers of their influence, while others accept it as being part of extreme bodybuilding culture.  But so many fail to see what is truly happening and instead comment on the circus, rather than the long-term ramifications of what they advocate for.  Everybody loves a freakshow.

And it is a show.  I would say that a good 50% of what these boys are doing is all an act, but obviously not the weight.  They are lifting INSANE amounts even by gorilla standards.  Rather, I’m referring to the drama and the antics.  The camera is coincidentally always in the right place when beating mannequins and fistfights occur like a staged reality show.  And many things they say are clearly for shock value.

But a lot of what they say is absolutely true.  Their observations about diet, workouts, supplement cycling; I found myself learning a fair amount about things I never thought to ask.  Or reinforcing things I did know.

Like Planet Fitness sucking.

And then there’s their talk about steroids.  They are absolutely coming clean and telling it like it is and how it affects them physically and mentally.  Whether you agree or disagree, there are no attempts to hide the realities of what they do or even the consequences.  Maybe that’s the magic.  While others try and sweep talk like that aside, these dudes are not even slightly shy about what craziness they’re putting inside them.  People love the honesty, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t too.  I actually find the Tren Twins refreshingly authentic, even with the goofy antics notwithstanding.  Given a choice between them and the glut of beta-males out there, these boys are the clear winner.

So how, after years of hipster culture and soy lattes, did we arrive here?  The answer to that is simple common sense…men have an innate desire to be MEN and the pendulum will always swing back.  And after what seems like an eternity of vilifying masculinity, the pushback has clearly begun and is only going to get stronger.  And to that, I say goodFantastic.  Maybe there’s hope for us all yet.

The problem lies in separating the wheat from the chaff.  So allow me to give a little history lesson.  During the better times of history, exceptional manhood involved a rugged, wild, self-sustainer that was combined with the finer aspects of civility and manners.  No mystery that good women brought out the better parts of the latter.  The thinker, the warrior, the defender, the captain that goes down with the ship, the devoted husband and father.  These combined Devastators of awesomeness were termed as classical “Manliness”.

Autobots retreat!!

A man who could possess those disciplined characteristics in proper yet various proportions was almost always ahead in business, life, love and community.  Women were and still are drawn to men like that.  A man in his heart aspires to be like that, but few put in the work.  That’s why when a real man enters the room, people want to be in his orbit…to learn or gain inspiration from.  And after years of being told that anything even slightly manly is toxic, the boys are finally kicking back and saying, “up yours”.  Bravo gentlemen.

But lately, we’ve been a bit shy of the “style” that our ancestors possessed.  We’ve been taking a few shortcuts.

Influencers like Andrew Tate for example, have a powerful message that mixes many truths about money, business and the cooler aspects of masculinity.  Driving a Brigati while smoking the finest Nicaraguan cigar, surveying ones kingdom with your woman at your side?  Yes ladies, we men do have that fantasy.  And if your man says he doesn’t, he is lying to you, or has been neutered.

Maybe skip the human sex trafficking.

But then Tate’s message is tarnished with women degrading garbage that serves no purpose but to demonstrate a massive hole in his character.  But I digress as Mr. Tate can be another subject entirety.

In like fashion, the Tren Twins admirably work their tails off in the gym and show a level of commitment that is praiseworthy.  The results of their labor draws people to them.  But then the message is contaminated with sensationalizing performance enhancing drug abuse.  And yes, it is abuse.  When one of those boys’ wound up in the hospital for popping back over a 1000mg of caffeine pills, things have gone too far.  A cup of coffee has 80…but at least hits the system over time.

And while I can forgive the private medical choices of the Tren Twins since obviously, what they do to themselves is none of my bloody Canadian business, my concerns are for their influence among young men.  And to their marketing credit, they have very strong influence.

Case in point, 5 years ago gyms were mainly filled with middle aged folks, not many young guys.  Now?  Granted, this is just anecdotal, but I have seen a very noticeable increase in young men.  Fit young men.  Boys, old guys like me are glad to see you trash talking and getting large.  It shows the grit is still around.  But I’m also worried as Hell, because I hear some of the conversations in those groups.  Too often I’m hearing words like SARMS, Rad-140 or even joking about their own testicle shrinkage.  Steroids were always a thing.  But I am far more concerned about mainstream SARMS adoption with boys too young to even consider doing this stuff.

I understand the pull too.  I never even really went a gym until I was 19. And the reason I did was because some blond demon passed me up for a guy who I saw as stronger and better…because he was stronger and better.

In hindsight, I'd say I dodged a hell of a bullet.

So, if you told my then 150 pounds of soaking wet adolescent angst, struggling to level up, that I could pop back an over the counter, yet highly suspect enhancement promising to put me on the fast track to claiming my birthright as a ripped chick magnet instead of some Forest Gump dumbass fumbling his way through life…  Yeah, I think we all have a pretty good guess as to what young and impressionable John Paul would have done.

So temptation I understand. The innate desire for a man to be strong is wonderfully hard coded.  But here we are….just slightly off course.  It’s another feature of manhood…finding ways to accomplish a task with greater efficiency.  It’s why we have homes instead of sod huts and Lamborghini’s instead of Model-T’s.  And that gift means the draw towards a shortcut to physical prowess is there too.  It’s just that now, we have some pretty dangerous paths to choose from.

Taking huge doses of random drugs at a young age introduces a chaos to the body that WILL demand payback. And for the Tren Twins, I guarantee that unfortunate payback is not far away.  There’s good reason professional wrestlers overwhelmingly die young…because when you screw with your hormones at such a radical level, the body gets resentful.

The Tren Twins, while entertaining, also serve as a warning.  A warning to a generation conditioned for the immediate.  The quick and easy path is hard as Hell to resist.  And like most easy roads taken by society’s men, this one leads to a destination that can affect us all.

In the immediate aftermath of a coerced medical procedure that has, contrary to the cognitive dissonance of too many, led to a massive uptick in heart conditions of young men, we cannot afford to compound this problem.

At least it was safe and effective.

We need young men of character who can go the distance.  We need their bodies and minds to be strong for the hard but rewarding journey ahead as husbands, fathers, leaders…everything that is in tragic short supply.  Everything that if we don’t create more of, will lead us all to a dark place in history.  The weak men have led us to hard times, but I hold out hope that better days are ahead.  It just might take a bit to get a proper footing.

While I admire the Tren Twin’s addictive drive to get big at any cost and to become, physically at least, strong men, I’m going to be as blunt and give some advice from a father’s heart…

Boys, society needs more than your sick gains at the expense of your increasingly shrinking balls.  It needs strong character, hearts, minds and bodies that don’t decide to spontaneously drop dead at 30 because they went overboard on SARMS.  We need you.  Take that positive desire to blaze the Oregon Trail and do it the right way.  Even if you insist on anabolics, get professional guidance because the way you are doing it now is going to kill you sooner rather than later.  To me at least, that is an unacceptable loss to the tribe.

Don’t let the lure of fame make you play the Jester for the approval of the masses.


John Paul Parrot ( aka. The Dysfunctional Parrot ) is a disgruntled Systems Analyst who wanders the Canadian wastelands saving small villages with the power of Kung Fu.  His chair is also a little too close to the twenty year old microwave.  As you can well imagine, this has had certain side effects.

1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. Jamie

    May 22, 2024 at

    So many of these kids are going to have a twee life expectancy we haven’t seen since the turn of the LAST century. I’d call it madness if it weren’t actually just ignorant stupidity. If you are new to fitness: do NOT do what these kids recommend.

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