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REVIEW: What is SOMANABOLIC?

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As fast as I crank out a fitness review something else comes along.  And that something is Somanabolic, which has almost gone viral.  What is it?  Well allow me to once again put a bullet through the head of BS and explain to you what this is all about because be damned if I can find a review for this that wasn’t an adver-torial.  In other words, a site that has a vesting interest in selling you the product.

So what is Somanabolic?  The Diet Coke description is this: The entire program is a download containing eBooks, some instructional videos, and a couple MS Excel files for diet calculations.  That’s it.  Sorry if you were expecting more.

somanabolic screenshot

When I initially went to learn about the product I had to endure a painfully long sales-pitch presented by Kyle Leon who, to his credit, explains the obstacles to gaining muscle mass in his video very well.  Well, eventually he does.  With some help from experienced advertisers he also knows exactly how to hit a man in his most vulnerable mental spot but implying physical weakness means we are at the bottom of the pecking order and women are secretly horrified at the sight of us.  Not unlike my life as a Systems Analyst.  You get the same ego bruising sales-pitch from Bow-Flex ads.

If I had to question Kyle on one thing it would be the reasons for his fitness goals.  For example, Tony Horton is known for saying that feeling good and quality of life are big motivators.  Kyle?  Girls.  Several times during the sales pitch we are reminded how the shiksas gravitate to big and brawny, and that being a chiselled specimen means you’ll have more hotties following you around than David Lee Roth in the 80’s ( not his paid escorts now ).  Don’t get me wrong, we all want to impress the ladies ( or wife! ) with tickets to the “gun show”, but using your newfound muscles to pick up STD-ridden skanks at a nightclub clearly indicate you should work on issues that go beyond skin deep solutions.

Now I’m not saying the product is crap or anything.  On the contrary is is a very well thought out system that takes the guesswork out of creating custom meal plans while also allowing you to customize your food choices too.  In short, this takes the resources that a high paid nutritionist would charge you and puts it into your cheap little hands.  Because let’s face it, all they’re doing is using a spreadsheet too!

A major plus for the program is how it takes your body-type into consideration ( Ecto, Meso, and Endomorph ) which is a feature often flat out ignored by conventional diet plans.  It also contains a workout guide which is very focused on weight training and Kyle is very up front by saying unless you work out at LEAST 5 hours a week this programs is of no value to you.  The section on supplements is informative, but comes off as a sales-pitch for Kyle’s sponsors.  But hey, the guy has to pay his bills too right?

baby redbull

I’ll be up front, I’ve done P90X, P90X2, Insanity, Asylum, Rushfityadda yadda…but the number one nemesis I fight is proper food intake.  Without proper nutrition, you will NOT see the results you see on any of the infomercials.  After my first round of P90X, I was indeed faster and stronger…but I looked practically the SAME.  Why?  Because all that awesomeness was still under a layer of goo.  After Insanity I was slightly better but only because I was working my ass off.  Only now am I getting my act together and seeing results because I eat the proper quantities of the proper food.

Somanabolic, while seemingly small is nonetheless a very useful tool for those who just can’t get a results they seek.  Food is 90% of the battle no matter what high-profile workout program you have.  So if you need a little guidance and don’t have the big bucks for an Olympic sports nutritionist, this might hold the answers you seek at a fraction of the cost. That having been said, there are much less expensive options out there.soma_rate2

Final score is 2 Feathers out of Five.  The program is difficult to score because while it is indeed a good spreadsheet that will undoubtedly give you vital information, you might expect more for the obscene $50 price-tag and thus be left more than just a little disappointed.  The advertising campaign also leads you to believe that you will get much more for your money considering the way they hype it.  If I had any suggestions, it would be to make the spreadsheet a stand-alone application and have the option to have a community of followers contribute to the food list.  And of course, drop the price.  Seriously.

PROS: Once your personal info is set, it makes meal plans at the click of a button thus taking the guesswork out of food prep.  In short, this is what the sports nutritionists use to screw you out of your cash.

CONS: It’s really only an Excel spreadsheet.  It’s a very good one, but you will require Excel to make it go thus making this a catastrophic ripoff.  It may run on OpenOffice or NeoOffice but you better double-check with the seller…assuming you’re brave enough to give them your e-mail address considering their viral marketing strategy.  $50 also seems a little pricey for what is essentially a souped-up calorie counter and easily copied from a $5 App Store purchase.

John Paul Parrot ( aka. The Dysfunctional Parrot ) is a disgruntled Systems Analyst who wanders the Canadian wastelands saving small villages with the power of Kung Fu.  His chair is also a little too close to the twenty year old microwave.  As you can well imagine, this has had certain side effects.

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