Top Reasons Why Twitter Sucks


You use it and I use it.  One difference might be that I am entirely ashamed of my involvement in Twitter.  But I’m not the only one who has his hands covered in the blood of one of societies failed experiments.  Many of these aftershocks affect all of us.   Of course when it comes to my Twitter account, people are simply drawn to me because of the truth I was born to speak.  Nonetheless, I present to you the Top Reasons why Twitter Blows:

#4.  Corporate News forcing their Employees to be “Hip”

Watching the talking heads on the News channels try and utilize Twitter is like watching fat people have sex.  Horrifying to behold and yet oddly fascinating at the same time.  Too often a once respected news anchor suddenly interrupts his otherwise intelligent commentary to mention that Buttocks555 thinks the recent Canadian election is “a total waste 4 U”.   Great, just what I want.  Another uninformed couch potato getting a chance to voice their worthless opinion on national television.   I can only pray that the machines rise up soon and kill us all.

#3. Spamming “Internet Marketing Coaches” want to be your friend

Who are these people?  Can we form a cyber-posse and go after them with pitchforks?  Clearly these wastes of human potential are nothing more than spamming sacks of filth.  Seriously, anyone who uses Twitter to sell a product is either a freaking retard or high on some cheap 80’s dope.  I look at my Followers and yes…I have succumbed to my own failure as a human being and followed some of these “coach” bozo’s back.  Maybe I’m inwardly insecure and want my numbers to increase to wash away my failures.  Lord have mercy on my tainted soul…

#2. 100% of all Followers couldn’t care if you lived or died

It’s not just all of them, it’s me too.  I have a whole whack of followers and honestly, I really don’t care who you are, what you’re doing, or even if you’re tied to a train track and a quick call from me could rescue you.  Facebook at least has some familiarity for their users.  Twitter has none.  Yet despite that painful and obvious fact many think that their Tweet jokes are absolutely hilarious, their insights mind-boggling and their followers hanging on every word.  Indeed, Twitter is a unique environment where someone can get tens of thousands of followers and literally none of them could pick their top dog out in a police lineup

#1.  Twitter is a communicative dead end

Nobody reads your tweets.  You don’t read anyone else’s.  You think I care?  Pffft!  You’re all just walking bags of Soylent Green to me kids, so don’t cry about the fact that I look upon your tweets with a thick veneer of hatred and loathing.  Yet we still ask people to join, and people ask us to join them.  Spock wouldn’t even comment on how illogical this is, he’d just curl up into a ball until his head exploded from the insanity of it all.  It seems Twitter will survive until such time as people finally understand that their fellow man honestly doesn’t give a crap about their one sentence observations.

Where do we go from here?

For those who claim language is evolving, social experiments like Twitter are a slam dunk rebuttal.  We’re clearly not evolving but rather breaking down into our base components of knuckle dragging stupidity where the future Dictionary will be reduced to three pages of grunting noises.  I can only cower in terror on what the next big step in social networking will be that disconnects us further from reality.  Instant messaging to our cerebral cortexes?  Surgically implanted iPods?  GPS devices hidden in our rectums?  Share my journey of fear, or at least strap on the nipple clamps and share my pain.

© 2011 – 2015, Dysfunctional Parrot. All rights reserved. No reproduction of written material is permitted.

About Author

John Paul Parrot ( aka. The Dysfunctional Parrot ) is a disgruntled Systems Analyst who wanders the Canadian wastelands saving small villages with the power of Kung Fu.  His chair is also a little too close to the twenty year old microwave.  As you can well imagine, this has had certain side effects.

  • Guest

    Couldn’t agree more!!  Nicely written.

    • guest

      I just closed my Twitter account. I feel foolish for joining but liberated now.

  • Heyo!

    “Watching the talking heads on the News channels try and utilize Twitter
    is like watching fat people have sex. Horrifying to behold and yet
    oddly fascinating at the same time. T”. EPIC.

  • rebecca1977

    Twitter is a waste of time. I hate it and not going back on it. Ever.

  • Ya know, I’ve even wanted to like Twitter thrice, but each time I even tried to join, all I got was “403 Forbidden (Rate limit exceeded). So even if Twitter itself doesn’t suck, its system administrators sure do!

  • Bort Frock

    I have never – NEVER – been fought so hard when trying to register somewhere online. User names were all taken, couldn’t verify me because I was logged in already (are you kidding?), pictures exceeded size limits (photos taken on my phone?), tweets are too long. Jesus, seriously F*@K THAT S*@T. I hate it.

  • Brian L

    twitter is for TWATS !! Twitter SUCKS !! Anyone who uses this stupid thing is lonely and longing for attention !! Low on self esteem/intelligence

  • sleepyo

    I retired and my Twitter account was under my employers email. I forgot my password and since Oct. 2012 I keep getting a standardized email saying the same thing. No online chat and no phone customer support. They are email my reset password to an email account I can not access and I keep telling them this and I get the standardized email once again.


    Twitter? Yeah…I’ve heard of it. Facebook? Let me think…..

  • William

    The thing I seem to sense more and more is that essentially Twitter and Facebook are real time conversation killers.It’s like people are saving their” best work” for an online community.

    Call me a dinosaur but I don’t think there’s anything really social in social media – just a whole lot of utterly self-serving look at me-ism going on, but maybe I’m talking more about Facebook there than Twitter/Twatter…whatever the case they nauseate me equally.

  • giestgirl

    I gave up tonight, after 30000 posts it became a bashing contest, spamming and user site, the celebrities and crazed fans have ruined it, its no longer fun…

  • EyeKyu

    More like hairy twatter.

  • Larry Sanders

    Twitter is garbage and should have been shorted from the start. I have no idea why it is even a thing. Humans are getting dumber by many things and cross breading is one of them.

  • Yang Kun


  • #1 is definitely untrue in fact this is in part why I’m about to delete my Twitter account, this is why.. Here is my #1 reason for hating Twitter and about to deactivate my account:

    #1. Even if you make your tweets protected, it seems that f–king morons can still @mention you and then it appears in your feed. I have to check every day and block f–king haters and feminists from posting stupid insulting negative misandrous bulls–t on my feed.

    Here’s my list:

    #2. They cut your communication to an unbearable small amount.
    #3. They require too much information to report somebody. Report should just be check, check, done. Not fill out all this personal information about yourself that you can’t even do on a freaking smartphone without it being a hassle.
    #4. In general it sucks.

    Facebook is the better method of communicating. They don’t cut your communication and you can prevent morons from writing stuff on your communication lines PERIOD. Not deleting it after.

    • Nop

      “block f–king haters and feminists from posting stupid insulting negative misandrous bulls–t on my feed.”
      HAHAHahahahahahaha! Thanks for the laugh!

  • chad

    from a purely business person perspective, it’s totally lame that you can;t reset your pw when you’ve lost access to your former email. I mean i left that job years ago. There is no one there gonna re-instantiate my email for 24 hours . Seriously Twitter. You suck. Here is the faq
    If you have forgotten your password and have lost access to your account email, and you do not have a mobile number associated with your account, we are unable to help you regain access to that Twitter account. Contact your email provider for help. Read more here.

  • Twitter also has software problems. I would like to see Twitter hacked.

  • SunshineSunshineSunshine

    After years of ignorance and boycott to privacy-stealing fascist zionist run places such as Fakebook, Twatter etc. I decided to look up my friend on it and signed up on Fakebook with a business account and spend a bunch of money on Fakebook ads. They soon closed my account and blocked my access demanding my id etc. No way to delete my fakebook accunt now. BOYCOTT. Then I went to sign up on Twatter. The email confirmation never arrives no matter what. I check my spam folder etc. but nothing. What a joke. BOYCOTT. I will never try again with those “social media” privacy stealing black time holes.

  • Cool

    We need to pay for a message now after activate your phone? Account removed.