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Top Reasons Why Twitter Sucks



You use it and I use it.  One difference might be that I am entirely ashamed of my involvement in Twitter.  But I’m not the only one who has his hands covered in the blood of one of societies failed experiments.  Many of these aftershocks affect all of us.   Of course when it comes to my Twitter account, people are simply drawn to me because of the truth I was born to speak.  Nonetheless, I present to you the Top Reasons why Twitter Blows:

#4.  Corporate News forcing their Employees to be “Hip”

Watching the talking heads on the News channels try and utilize Twitter is like watching fat people have sex.  Horrifying to behold and yet oddly fascinating at the same time.  Too often a once respected news anchor suddenly interrupts his otherwise intelligent commentary to mention that Buttocks555 thinks the recent Canadian election is “a total waste 4 U”.   Great, just what I want.  Another uninformed couch potato getting a chance to voice their worthless opinion on national television.   I can only pray that the machines rise up soon and kill us all.

#3. Spamming “Internet Marketing Coaches” want to be your friend

Who are these people?  Can we form a cyber-posse and go after them with pitchforks?  Clearly these wastes of human potential are nothing more than spamming sacks of filth.  Seriously, anyone who uses Twitter to sell a product is either a freaking retard or high on some cheap 80’s dope.  I look at my Followers and yes…I have succumbed to my own failure as a human being and followed some of these “coach” bozo’s back.  Maybe I’m inwardly insecure and want my numbers to increase to wash away my failures.  Lord have mercy on my tainted soul…

#2. 100% of all Followers couldn’t care if you lived or died

It’s not just all of them, it’s me too.  I have a whole whack of followers and honestly, I really don’t care who you are, what you’re doing, or even if you’re tied to a train track and a quick call from me could rescue you.  Facebook at least has some familiarity for their users.  Twitter has none.  Yet despite that painful and obvious fact many think that their Tweet jokes are absolutely hilarious, their insights mind-boggling and their followers hanging on every word.  Indeed, Twitter is a unique environment where someone can get tens of thousands of followers and literally none of them could pick their top dog out in a police lineup

#1.  Twitter is a communicative dead end

Nobody reads your tweets.  You don’t read anyone else’s.  You think I care?  Pffft!  You’re all just walking bags of Soylent Green to me kids, so don’t cry about the fact that I look upon your tweets with a thick veneer of hatred and loathing.  Yet we still ask people to join, and people ask us to join them.  Spock wouldn’t even comment on how illogical this is, he’d just curl up into a ball until his head exploded from the insanity of it all.  It seems Twitter will survive until such time as people finally understand that their fellow man honestly doesn’t give a crap about their one sentence observations.

Where do we go from here?

For those who claim language is evolving, social experiments like Twitter are a slam dunk rebuttal.  We’re clearly not evolving but rather breaking down into our base components of knuckle dragging stupidity where the future Dictionary will be reduced to three pages of grunting noises.  I can only cower in terror on what the next big step in social networking will be that disconnects us further from reality.  Instant messaging to our cerebral cortexes?  Surgically implanted iPods?  GPS devices hidden in our rectums?  Share my journey of fear, or at least strap on the nipple clamps and share my pain.

John Paul Parrot ( aka. The Dysfunctional Parrot ) is a disgruntled Systems Analyst who wanders the Canadian wastelands saving small villages with the power of Kung Fu.  His chair is also a little too close to the twenty year old microwave.  As you can well imagine, this has had certain side effects.



  1. Johnny

    February 15, 2022 at

    yes twitter sucks a big one , locked me out after I said some one should knock that smug smile off her face , just telling the truth she just thinks she is all that , found out i don’t need those ass holes they were a waste of my time

  2. jaky leuty

    October 21, 2020 at

    it’s a database for the wannabee dictators of the usa/abusive low life morons and misfits.

  3. sam

    August 12, 2020 at

    twitter need your email, phone and you must do as they say or you are constantly nagged to remove this tweet.. it is slave training
    anyone who use it just to talk to stranger have no friend in life and sore loser. need to find better thing to do. Only dumb people do this and nobody should use this commie network. its pedophilia social network for kids.. it use for spying and controlling children who are talking about themselves too much. slave training. rules rules rules. remove this tweet now.. harassment. over and over. you have no rights to an opinion. yet 99 percent of idiot use it like its telephone.

  4. thetrellan

    February 21, 2020 at

    I just feel that any online services that limit the word count on comments is lame. If I have to resort to text speak too much, it’s no good. Everything starts to look like gibberish.

  5. Silent Majority

    April 16, 2017 at

    Should be the Top 25 Reasons Why Twitter Sucks – and the Number One reason is that Twit supports pedophiles by “allowing all people free speech” (a lie from Twit) and by fully accepting them as members by their public or private accounts

    In my first six weeks, I only tweeted happy cultural events from around the World. But then came St Patrick’s Day. In the week leading up to it, I pointed out the hypocrisy of some politicians during St Patrick’s Day. They were burning coal electricity for over 24 hours, dumping green food colouring, gelatin and other unnatural stuff into rivers to attract non-habitat bacteria – all of that do hurt fish and plankton. How would you like pepper spray in your eyes every morning? Anyway, I only made 5 or 6 criticisms over four days leading up to St Paddy’s Day. But the Twit blocked all of my tweets, including friendly topics, from showing up in public, from my very first polite protest against calling St Patrick’s Day “greening day”

    During the 7 days leading up to St Patrick’s Day, Twit not only silenced my tweets from public, and from being seen by my followers, Twit also flooded my ‘home’ news feeds with my own tweets, likes of other people’s photos, and retweets of other people’s posts – Twit knows it is annoying to non-narcissists. After one week of silencing this woman, me, for only 5 environmental-awareness tweets, Twit then banned me totally from my account AND accused me of spam after I removed all official organizations, celebrities and businesses from my “following” list because I was fed up with spam news from organizations and magazines, and the bot followers from my “followers” lists

    Meanwhile Twit never banned business spam and the abundance of porn tweets (blatant videos of sex acts and photos of naked people). Twit completely ignored all the porn spam and the PEDOPHILE accounts that I was reporting up to two weeks before they silenced my tweets. Maybe Twit employees got sick of me making valid complaints about porn spam deliberately targeted at public hash tag topics like ‘school’ and ‘children’. Or maybe Twit employees and management enjoy viewing free porn with and without children and teens being raped

    Even more distressing was Twit’s great acceptance of slave sellers and pedophiles because you don’t have to look hard on Twit to find pedophile networks and SLAVE TRADERS on Twitter who sell children for sex or free work.

    Any decent and fair-minded person won’t have to look hard to notice that there is a very strange absence of extremist views from: animal rights supporters, various Islamic denominations, environmental activists (even Greenpeace is tame and boring on Twit but condescends to individuals), various Christian groups, anti child-abusers, tax supporters, Communists, and extreme Republicans (no, I’m not from the USA, thank God. Twit is from the USA but will gladly drop your country for zero or low tax in another country).

    The only extremist views Twit accepts are militant manly Femi-nazis who like to pick on other women (shame on them, I’m a feminine feminist woman and proud of it), extremist liberals, extremist pro-Democrats, and any old schoolyard bully of any age group. I saw plenty of angry tweets inciting people to send hate tweets and private messages to this or that person, just because they disagree, as well as tweets encouraging hackers and photo-humiliators to target a person, usually female because authoritarian women-haters find other women easy to pick on, no matter what their background or status. (Such haters will find out that their haughty pride and impulsive daring to pick on anyone they don’t really know will bite them back soon enough)

    I’m glad they did an unintended favour by banning me from my account because using Twitter is a great waste of time and productivity; most people are too selfish to read other people’s tweets. The Twit is a platform for narcissists and the loud minority. Twitter sucks severely, I hope its beak falls off! Twitter is a twit. They make anyone who supports them a twit too. May Twitter go bankrupt one day for all of its own lies, Fascist censoring, unfair treatment, hypocrisy, unjust punishments, immoral support of child sex-traffickers, information theft, and tax shelter hiding in Ireland and the Cayman Islands

  6. Cool

    June 25, 2015 at

    We need to pay for a message now after activate your phone? Account removed.

  7. SunshineSunshineSunshine

    January 14, 2015 at

    After years of ignorance and boycott to privacy-stealing fascist zionist run places such as Fakebook, Twatter etc. I decided to look up my friend on it and signed up on Fakebook with a business account and spend a bunch of money on Fakebook ads. They soon closed my account and blocked my access demanding my id etc. No way to delete my fakebook accunt now. BOYCOTT. Then I went to sign up on Twatter. The email confirmation never arrives no matter what. I check my spam folder etc. but nothing. What a joke. BOYCOTT. I will never try again with those “social media” privacy stealing black time holes.

  8. BiggerFatterPolitics

    December 23, 2014 at

    Twitter also has software problems. I would like to see Twitter hacked.

  9. chad

    December 3, 2014 at

    from a purely business person perspective, it’s totally lame that you can;t reset your pw when you’ve lost access to your former email. I mean i left that job years ago. There is no one there gonna re-instantiate my email for 24 hours . Seriously Twitter. You suck. Here is the faq
    If you have forgotten your password and have lost access to your account email, and you do not have a mobile number associated with your account, we are unable to help you regain access to that Twitter account. Contact your email provider for help. Read more here.

  10. Alexander Rose

    November 29, 2014 at

    #1 is definitely untrue in fact this is in part why I’m about to delete my Twitter account, this is why.. Here is my #1 reason for hating Twitter and about to deactivate my account:

    #1. Even if you make your tweets protected, it seems that f–king morons can still @mention you and then it appears in your feed. I have to check every day and block f–king haters and feminists from posting stupid insulting negative misandrous bulls–t on my feed.

    Here’s my list:

    #2. They cut your communication to an unbearable small amount.
    #3. They require too much information to report somebody. Report should just be check, check, done. Not fill out all this personal information about yourself that you can’t even do on a freaking smartphone without it being a hassle.
    #4. In general it sucks.

    Facebook is the better method of communicating. They don’t cut your communication and you can prevent morons from writing stuff on your communication lines PERIOD. Not deleting it after.

    • Nop

      August 22, 2015 at

      “block f–king haters and feminists from posting stupid insulting negative misandrous bulls–t on my feed.”
      HAHAHahahahahahaha! Thanks for the laugh!

  11. Yang Kun

    October 27, 2014 at


  12. Larry Sanders

    July 23, 2014 at

    Twitter is garbage and should have been shorted from the start. I have no idea why it is even a thing. Humans are getting dumber by many things and cross breading is one of them.

  13. EyeKyu

    July 8, 2014 at

    More like hairy twatter.

  14. giestgirl

    March 8, 2014 at

    I gave up tonight, after 30000 posts it became a bashing contest, spamming and user site, the celebrities and crazed fans have ruined it, its no longer fun…

  15. William

    December 27, 2013 at

    The thing I seem to sense more and more is that essentially Twitter and Facebook are real time conversation killers.It’s like people are saving their” best work” for an online community.

    Call me a dinosaur but I don’t think there’s anything really social in social media – just a whole lot of utterly self-serving look at me-ism going on, but maybe I’m talking more about Facebook there than Twitter/Twatter…whatever the case they nauseate me equally.

  16. eNUFo'BARRY

    October 21, 2013 at

    Twitter? Yeah…I’ve heard of it. Facebook? Let me think…..

  17. sleepyo

    September 28, 2013 at

    I retired and my Twitter account was under my employers email. I forgot my password and since Oct. 2012 I keep getting a standardized email saying the same thing. No online chat and no phone customer support. They are email my reset password to an email account I can not access and I keep telling them this and I get the standardized email once again.

  18. Brian L

    August 9, 2013 at

    twitter is for TWATS !! Twitter SUCKS !! Anyone who uses this stupid thing is lonely and longing for attention !! Low on self esteem/intelligence

  19. Bort Frock

    December 9, 2012 at

    I have never – NEVER – been fought so hard when trying to register somewhere online. User names were all taken, couldn’t verify me because I was logged in already (are you kidding?), pictures exceeded size limits (photos taken on my phone?), tweets are too long. Jesus, seriously F*@K THAT S*@T. I hate it.

  20. Alexander Ewering

    November 6, 2012 at

    Ya know, I’ve even wanted to like Twitter thrice, but each time I even tried to join, all I got was “403 Forbidden (Rate limit exceeded). So even if Twitter itself doesn’t suck, its system administrators sure do!

  21. rebecca1977

    September 20, 2012 at

    Twitter is a waste of time. I hate it and not going back on it. Ever.

  22. Heyo!

    September 1, 2012 at

    “Watching the talking heads on the News channels try and utilize Twitter
    is like watching fat people have sex. Horrifying to behold and yet
    oddly fascinating at the same time. T”. EPIC.

  23. Guest

    June 11, 2012 at

    Couldn’t agree more!!  Nicely written.

    • guest

      October 11, 2014 at

      I just closed my Twitter account. I feel foolish for joining but liberated now.

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