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FITNESS ZONE

Parrot Review: Brazil Butt Lift

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It’s a slow start to the new year and I’ve already reviewed most of the big contenders such as Insanity: Max 30P90, and PiYO.  So when a devoted fan sends me an old copy of Brazil Butt Lift to review, I sadly have no excuse.   Oh, and be careful with that link.  A huge, HD glistening backside awaits you.

Want to know what the worst part about this program is?  Googling it with four kids in the house.  Honestly, I know more things about “brazilians” than I ever wanted too, so hopefully I can pay it forward with a review that is safe for work.

waxcat

This program originally came out in 2008, so this is more of a blast-from-the-past review considering we are now in 2015.  Naturally the program cannot compare to more recent productions.  Nonetheless, it is still being heavily marketed and the ad campaign for this is more tasteless than a dry popsicle stick.  There are more asses in your face than a North Dakota donkey ranch.  Really, take away the caption and it could be an ad for a Cancun Hedonism resort.

What you Get

For me it’s not so much what I got, but what I lost.  Still looking for my dignity.  The materials included resemble the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issues my brother hid under his mattress.  With such dignified literature, Alastair Cook is no doubt clapping his zombie hands in approval.

alastaircook

Bum Bum

Time: 30 minutes

If the name is any indication, we’re no doubt taking the classy high road.

The set looks like someone stole the furniture from my Grandma’s living room.  I’m also wondering why the heck the footage cuts out to and occasionally shows the cast doing the workout on a beach.  Sadly the editing looks like it was done in iMovie and the music is similar to the canned tunes you hear at a two-star resort.

Bum Bum ( there…I said it ) has mainly balance postures and squats.  I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a serious burn and a strong workout.  It’s just that now I have Island bongo drum music stuck in my head.  I became increasingly aware that thus program is for women given the “High Heels” move that required me to get in touch with my inner woman.  Given my heritage, all I found was an angry Scotsman in a kilt asking me if I was daft.

highkeels

Bum Bum Rapido

Time: 10 minutes

Oh Lord.

Squats, leg-lifts, lunges, jacks and balance postures.  The tempo picks up because as the name translates, this is ‘fast ass’.  Yes, I’m evidently also bilingual.

Tummy Tuck

Time: 19 minutes

Well, at least they found a couple of dudes for the cast here.  As long as they don’t start grinding it we should be ok.

The first half in on your back doing crunches, while the last half in planks.  As far as core workouts go I have to give this one a fair amount of credit.

Cardio Axe

Time: 29 minutes

Ah, memories.  Reminds me of the time I did Hip Hop Abs.  Only this is actually more awkward.  I know…I didn’t think such a thing was possible either.

bbb3

This is cardio in the form of shaking your booty while dancing to terrible music.  I suppose the upside of this is gaining some co-ordination.  The downsides are just too plentiful to mention.  Granted, if my wife started grinding like this I’d say heck yeah!  Me?  Heck no.

Sculpt

Time: 47 minutes

Now we use weights.  This workout focuses on resistance training with total body in mind.  Curls, rows, presses and push ups.

Leandro’s Secret ( optional disk )

Time: 25 minutes

I have a million jokes about the name of this workout, but none of them suitable for viewing.  Oh, the agony.

Apparently Leandro’s secret is hidden in a room in Grandma’s attic away from the regular set.  It’s just him and one lone female and…I’m sorry, I just couldn’t get through this.  I honestly felt like the camera was going to pan back to Leandro and show him wearing his past victim’s skin.  It was all I could do not to yell at the screen for the poor woman to take her chances jumping out the window.

lsecret

This disk is an optional purchase and you should all listen to me now…do not buy it.  For an extra $20 all you are getting is watching Leandro and some lone woman doing an unimpressive workout in a dingy room with a radiator in the background.  It’s creepy as Hell.  The fact that many coach-sites review this with positive accolades is a testament to their shame.

Conclusion

I feel like a dirty old man watching this.  Clearly I am not the target audience for Brazil Butt Lift.

Leandro Carvalho, while I’m sure is a nice guy,  is not exactly what I’d call the next evolution in fitness trainers.  This was made during a time when I suspect Beachbody was trying to find the next big thing just in case Tony Horton got hit by a bus ( P90X was only five years earlier in 2003 ).  Shaun T had yet to come out of his Hip Hop Abs shell and become the mega-trainer he is today ( Insanity came out a year later ).

The production set is more than a little schizophrenic and I’m not sure who it is meant to appeal to.  Frequent shots of women working out on a beach will occasionally interrupt the main footage.  Women might find the constant parade of smiling bikini-models a little weird, and men might find it more consistent with soft porn.  There were times I would not have been surprised if a pizza delivery guy walked in before things got weird.

Grading this is hard because Brazil Butt Lift is not an easy workout.  You will indeed get a strong workout in the hind quarters so I’m in no way implying it is a walk in the park.  The $40 price tag is also easier on the wallet, but like all things you get what you pay for.  Still, Great Caesar’s Ghost…there has to be a better way to accomplish that goal than by resorting to this.  Trust me, Focus T25 will blast your backside much better while leaving your self-respect intact.

Parrot Review: Brazil Butt Lift
4.4 SCORE
Pros
  • Good for a laugh.
  • Cons
  • Creepy as all Hell.
  • I'll always wonder what happened to that poor woman.
  • Summary
    Brazil Butt Lift is a workout program that is absolutely, unequivocally designed for women or men who are not exactly butter-side up. Even then, the blatantly sexist marketing is likely to turn off its intended audience. It costs around $40...but even that is too much considering what you wind up with.
    Trainer5.5
    Production Values3
    Strength3
    Cardio5
    Overall Difficulty5
    Price5

    John Paul Parrot ( aka. The Dysfunctional Parrot ) is a disgruntled Systems Analyst who wanders the Canadian wastelands saving small villages with the power of Kung Fu.  His chair is also a little too close to the twenty year old microwave.  As you can well imagine, this has had certain side effects.

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