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B.S. REVIEW: Trojan Pleasure Charged



I would never lie to you and call myself a “copulation expert” in the professional sense, but I know a thing or two about the Humpty Dance ( wink ) y’know what I’m saying? ( nudge nudge ).  I’ve been married 17 years and I would call myself pretty damn proficient with the great woman of whom I am a husband too.  It is that lifelong monogamous commitment that has given me the hands on, graphic, and occasionally “that got weird didn’t it?”  inside track at determining whether products aimed at the adult consumer are worthwhile, or a steaming load of crap.

trojan boxBut every now and then there’s one for the books.  Thus I present Trojan Pleasure CHARGED.  For the couple with caviar tastes.

With my 4 children as living testaments, I stand undefeated when it comes to testing prophylactic quality control.  Trojan traditionally has been a trusted brand name.  So in a sense the product should hold up to “ballistics tests” even if the science behind it’s latest nutritional feature is undeniably laughable.

So what’s the big deal?  The sales pitch is that these suckers have special lubricant that is “intensified” with L-Arginine, Maca and Ginger.   I’m no dietician, but I’m pretty sure the optimal way to get these beneficial nutrients into your body is not by having them put onto laytex.  It’s like finding someone with scurvy and rubbing an orange on his tally-whacker.  Interesting but clearly not the way oranges were intended to pass on their benefits.

The advertising department also tells us that these are so awesome that they use the “O-word” right on the front packaging to sell them up.  I’m now wondering if Trojan Inc. knows what that word means if they use it in that context.  Technically that means the average guy should be able to shave about 10 minutes off the bedroom time because he’ll be done quicker than usual.  That’s actually a bit of an inconsiderate move if you ask me.

Ok, let me just get this thing on and...hey...what the??...EEEEEAAAUUUUGGGHHHHHH!!!

While intimate relations with your spouse can range from destroying a hotel room, bite marks or the other extreme of “I’d rather step on a rusty nail than touch you”, the one thing that has never entered the equation is whether vitamins and minerals applied to latex will change things one way or the other.  But the way this is marketed you’d swear that rolling this piece of chinese made laytex over your John Thomas would give you the prowess of a jackhammer and the ability to play major league baseball with your hands tied behind your back.

It’s hard to explain just who thought the optimal way of getting healthy nutrients into your body was by applying them to the one-eyed trouser snake, but all evidence points to 100% marketing and 0% based on any health benefits.  Sorry, but if you run out to buy these then clearly you need to call your Dad and have another fishing trip.

John Paul Parrot ( aka. The Dysfunctional Parrot ) is a disgruntled Systems Analyst who wanders the Canadian wastelands saving small villages with the power of Kung Fu.  His chair is also a little too close to the twenty year old microwave.  As you can well imagine, this has had certain side effects.



  1. nw_bred92

    August 28, 2012 at

    L-Arginine when applied to skin causes increased blood flow causing the skin to plum,p thus enlarging the g-spot and making her more sensitive and quicker in reaching an orgasm. It is also used in vaginal tightening creams, mens enlargement creams, and in those horny pills you find in adult stores. So actually the ingredients seem pretty beneficial to someone that might need at little help getting their partner there.

    • Dysfunctional Parrot

      August 29, 2012 at

      I understand what you’re saying, but must disagree. Not to toot my own horn, but I’ve been doing this sex thing for a while now and it doesn’t work like that.

      First of all, unless your penis is shaped like the letter-J, the lubricant is not going to make contact with the G-spot. If yours is then, well…that’s actually pretty awesome. Get your own TV show and make some coin! ( freak )

      Again, the quantities in a condom lubricant are completely useless. An internal dosage of 300mg of Arginine is the standard and even that must be taken several times a day. No chance of being anywhere near that here.

      And finally, I’ve taken L-Arginine as a workout supplement, so the claims of penis enlargement, and sexual enhancement are in MY opinion, hype meant to sell products. Just like this one.

  2. Doctor Jimmy

    July 19, 2012 at

    As a dietary supplement, of course this will have virtually no effect. But you seem to miss the fact that these substances have topical uses. L-Arginine is a neural stimulant as well as an amino acid. I imagine the stimulating effect is the desired result, not a healthy immune system. PS. I wouldn’t try prolonged exposure of vitamin C on your penis. It would likely have a topical effect as well. Ever eat too many lemon heads? ;-)

  3. Try Ginger

    May 31, 2012 at

    Where is the actual review?  This is like writing a car review just by looking at the specifications. 

    • Dysfunctional Parrot

      May 31, 2012 at

      I guess the review is sort of implied.  This site doesn’t exactly take “reviews” with the professionalism of say, Consumer Reports.  However, much like a common sense review for a 86 Plymouth Reliant ( 4-cyl engine.  gutless.  AM-FM radio.  Won’t get chicks. ), I apply the same logic to these ( laytex. fancy packaging. laughable science. )

      Funny thing is I work with a guy who does car reviews.  Let’s just say that he better find a way to “sell” the good points of a car even if it sucks…if he appreciates his job!

  4. bob

    May 26, 2012 at

    Though I do believe that these might not do anything (I haven’t tried them yet and don’t know if I will), I don’t think you know exactly how that would work.  Rubbing an orange on somebody to get health benefits will obviously not work, however that is not what is going on with this idea.  If you ever have had an emulsion (basically a cream) form of a pharmaceutical product you would get a great effect by rubbing it on your body and probably a very poor effect by ingesting it.  As someone who has studied a bit on drug delivery systems the idea of lube that has other things in it sounds like it could be plausible that it would have an effect on you.

    Obviously you were trying to be humorous but at the same time there might be some science going against what you stated.

    • Dysfunctional Parrot

      May 27, 2012 at

      L-Arginine, Maca and Ginger have great heath benefits…when taken internally and in reasonable dosages.  Having minute amounts in a condom lubricant I can practically guarantee will have no benefit besides a placebo one.  If it did, then I would recommend concocting a mixture of the ingredients and applying them liberally to your tally-whacker.  

      ( pauses, looks at the ingredients on the counter and smiles… )

      While some things do absorb effectively via emulsion ( such as magnesium ), these items are not among them.  And again, the amount in a condom lubricant is completely insignificant even if it were so.  Yes, I was going for a humor angle, but at the same time I stand by my statement that this product is 100% marketing.  :)

  5. Steve B.

    May 8, 2012 at

    This post demonstrates the irony of our capitalist marketplace, but the sarcasm makes is all the better! Well done! I am studying to be a dietitian. Currently, I am suffering through anatomy. As I am  taking a study break and reading this, I have no sympathy for those who buy this product thinking that their purple-headed yogurt slinger is a proper substitute for their mouth. P.S. Don’t read this while drinking coffee. Not so good for the computer screen.

  6. M. Patterson

    May 7, 2012 at

    Looks like somebody did chicken out on that vasectomy, didn’t he?  ;)  As for lubricants, I prefer hydroxypropyl cellulose or hydroxypropylmethylcellulose, but I’m beginning to wonder if I’m missing out on the full nutritional effect by not eating it?  KY on toast for breakfast just doesn’t have the same appeal as orange marmalade, or other conventional jellies.  A peanut butter and KY sandwich is only slightly better.  What is the proper way to serve it?

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