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FITNESS ZONE

REVIEW: Brazil Butt Lift Carnivale

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This is it.  The last in the Brazil Butt Lift Series.  I’m not sure if I’m overjoyed or ready to have a bath with a toaster.  But as long as we can keep Leondro away from a camera from this day forward, I might be able to find the strength to go on.

What you Need

Carnivale is classed as a beginner level workout according to the dark overlords at Beachbody.  So like socialism, the poverty gets spread to everyone.  There are 4 unique workouts plus one ab routine that gets repeated.  It’s meant to be done in 30 days, but you can all just go straight to Hell if you think I’m going to last that long.

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Tea with the Queen was never so classy.

Get Sweaty

Hard to resist a catchy title like that.  I think I need to find who is working at Beachbody’s Brazil Butt Lift Division and have a candid discussion about their marketing.

So it begins, and…we’re dancing.  Such joy.  Such rapture.  Everyone is smiling and the girls all look like they spent the last few hours in the make-up room.  Leondro leads the pack and we spend the next half hour strutting, hopping and shaking our…ugh…booty.  True to its name, Leondro sweats like Nixon with even a minimal amount of effort.  In no time the guy is doused in so much ooze you’d think he had a side hustle as a Ghostbuster.

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No!! Get back!! Don't touch meeeeeee...!!!

It’s Booty Time

I should mention that unlike all the other workouts in the BBL series, Carnivale does not have video cuts to girls dancing on the beach.

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There, there. Dry your eyes.

We grab some weights today and work on the lower body with lunges, shuffles, and the ever-present creepiness that comes with Leondro and a room of gorgeous women.  He’s just so dang happy to be there, like a teenager dancing with the hot senior.  Meanwhile I’m feeling uneasy and weird like I just ate gas-station sushi.

Tank Top Time

We switch to upper body with curls, rows and presses.

The moves can go from decent to crazier than a pet raccoon fairly quick.  In one instance I’m casually stretching my arms while Leondro suddenly breaks into his best impression of a wounded seagull going after a french fry.

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Go Leondro go! You CAN fly!!

Sexy and Sculpted

We finish our voyage of the damned with a half-hour, full-body workout.  A lot of presses and lunges with high rep counts, so don’t go too heavy.  It feels like a circuit trainer where you move from one part to the next with no rest.  It’s reminiscent of a T25 circuit workout minus the decent music and trainer charisma.

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Cut one loose just to teach him a lesson in personal space.

15 Minute Abs

The ladies get on the floor as Leondro talks them through an ab crunch sequence.  Crunches are not rocket-science, so keep in mind that even though Leondro fusses over every minute detail from his cast, you’ll probably feel less like putting a brick through your new 4K TV if you just mute him and follow along.

CONCLUSION

At last, we come to the end of our Brazil Butt Lift journey.  Not that I advocate it, but I have a feeling this series would rock if the viewer was stoned out of their gourd.  What we have here are brief moments of fitness encased in a chocolate coating of pure, chemical induced insanity.

Leondro seems a fish out of water and probably isn’t going to hit the big-time in the workout video scene unless the Andromeda Strain takes out 95% of the fitness-trainer population.  He just comes off creepier than a naked hobo charging a nickel to shave my back.  And just in case you think I’m being unfair, do yourself a favor and check out Leondro Carvalho’s website ( I’d…ugh…rather not link to it ).   The man is certainly into “penis fitness”.   I also like his tips on how to attract a woman, saying men are obsessed with“large booty”, and how to make your tube-snake all that and a bag of chips.  It reads like a sexual predators Guide to Catching an STD.

If you have a Beachbody on Demand subscription and for some godforsaken reason like the Brazil Butt Lift series, then head on over and drink the tainted waters.  If you want to purchase the DVD’s then step away from the computer and seek psychiatric help immediately before you hurt yourself or someone else.

With Beachbody injecting more competent talent into their roster, I’m not sure where Leondro is going to fit moving forward.  I’d like to think the whole Brazil Butt Lift series is now done and shall remain a quiet nightmare that occasionally has me shedding a tear in the early hours of the morning.  To be honest, if he made another one I’m not sure what I would do…

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REVIEW: Brazil Butt Lift Carnivale
5 SCORE
Pros
  • I now have a box-set of BBL reviews
  • No weird cuts to girls dancing on a beach
  • Having BOD means I DIDN'T have to buy this
  • Cons
  • Someone out there thought 3 BBL series were a good idea
  • If you bought the DVD's then you are unfit to propagate the species
  • Trainer4.5
    Production Values5.5
    Strength5
    Cardio5
    Music5

    John Paul Parrot ( aka. The Dysfunctional Parrot ) is a disgruntled Systems Analyst who wanders the Canadian wastelands saving small villages with the power of Kung Fu.  His chair is also a little too close to the twenty year old microwave.  As you can well imagine, this has had certain side effects.

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