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Chapter 76: Bill Murray to the Rescue



Einstein said time is relative and I can assure you time does not move any slower than when edging closer to when you pick up a pretty girl for a first date.

“Is it dry yet?” I yelled down the hall.  Andrew answered with a freshly tumbled pair of jeans and shirt flying through the air.

I wasn’t sure the last time I was so excited.  Finally, after months of second guessing I was going to have a date with Corinne.  We always connected so well in a group, but tonight I was flying solo.

“Ok, how do I look?”  I stand ready, fresh as morning dew on a golf course with a hint of Drakkar Noir cologne.

Bringing out the big guns.

I hear a cackle from an unknown voice down the hall.  “Desperate.”  Dicks.

Andrew instructs me like I’m a moron.  It was a wise move.  “Now remember, you’re taking a lady out so be a gentleman.”

“Look, despite what you think I am, I’m not some jerk whose going to grab her ass, ok?  Good heavens man, I just want to know more about her.  What time is it?”

Show time.

We agreed to meet in the Student Lounge.  I think my heart was going to rip out of my chest in anticipation.  Was she just saying yes to be nice?  Maybe she preferred to just be…

And then all my doubts evaporated when she walked in the door.

Not quite as scantily clad, but she had the same effect on me.

Andrew stood next to me gob-smacked.  Corinne looked like she spent the last two hours getting ready and was dressed to freaking kill.  She wore a turquoise shirt, gold necklace and jeans.  Her face shone with the same kind of nervous anticipation that mine did, albeit with an impish smile.  This was the kind of girl who knew how to shake an ant farm.

I’d never seen anything so beautiful in my life.

“She dressed up for you, man!”  I look over to Andrew.

“I think she can hear you.”  Corinne smiles back at me knowingly.

“Wow, you look…amazing!”  I hold my arm out and she places hers in mine.  “Shall we?”

So the official first date began.  The drive to Regina was roughly 45 minutes as that was the only theater I was aware of.  Walking in, I had relied on fate to provide a decent movie.  The first option was “Army of Darkness” with Bruce Campbell.  I was a huge fan but thankfully common sense kicked in.  Taking a young Bible College girl to see a film about a guy with a chainsaw hand who kills the undead?  Even I knew well enough.

Sorry Bruce.

The next option was Bill Murray and Groundhog Day.  Excellent choice!  The movie was perfect and we were able to relax and enjoy the antics of Bill having to relive the same day over again.

Afterwards we drove back to Moose Jaw and found a Smitty’s restaurant which is the Canadian version of a Denny’s without all the high-end fanfare.  In all fairness, as college kids we didn’t have much money.

Two plates of fries were ordered and here is where things got down to brass tacks.

She was asking personal questions about me and I returned the favor.  This was a recon mission to see if there was any reason to continue.  What were our ethics?  Families?  What was our opinion on pre-marital sex?  Very little in the way of small-talk took place.  Thankfully, we were very much on the same page.  No pedestals were being built this time, just an equal relationship.

The time came to take her home which conveniently enough, was the same college.  We parked the car in the large gravel lot, and walked back to our dorms.

“I just want you to know I had a great time.”

“Me too,” she said.

I decide to take a gamble and try my luck.  “Would you be ok if we were to, perhaps, go out again?”

“Yes,” she says not hesitating.

“Great!”  We’re now ready to go in separate directions. “Have a good night, Corinne.”  It felt really good to say her name.

I’m floating on air walking back to the dorm.  Half the guys upstairs are waiting for me to get back to see how things went.

“So?”  Andrew excitedly wants details.

I’m riding high.  “It went great!  We talked forever about everything.  And get this…she said yes to a follow up!”

“You asked her out again right after the first date?  And you got away with it?”

“I broke decorum and lived to tell about it!”

I get several high fives.  My dorm RA ( Resident Assistant ) congratulates me and presents me with a gift, a token of his good will in my time of celebration.

“What’s this?” I unfold the letter and quickly scan the contents.  Wait, is this a…

“I’m getting work discipline??”


“You’re half an hour late from taking her out to a movie,” he grins.  A few laughs are heard down the hall.  I prepare to protest, but then realize I have no moral ground to stand on.  The night had gone so well I just couldn’t get angry, so I instead submitted myself for disciplinary action.

“Yes sir.  So, uh…how does this work?”

He puts his arm on my shoulder.  “Already taken care of!  You’ll be reporting for duty with the other inmates tomorrow afternoon.”  He gave one hard slap on my back and walks off.

I think to Corinne.  Yeah, she was worth it.

COMING NEXT – Chapter 77: Chain Gang

John Paul Parrot ( aka. The Dysfunctional Parrot ) is a disgruntled Systems Analyst who wanders the Canadian wastelands saving small villages with the power of Kung Fu.  His chair is also a little too close to the twenty year old microwave.  As you can well imagine, this has had certain side effects.

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