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Chapter 75: The Next Level



Easter long weekend of 1993 was upon us and a lot of people had gone home for a few days.  I stayed behind.  So did Corinne and a bunch of us.  I had the phone number to her dorm and was psyching myself up to do “the call”.

The big moment where I asked a girl on a date had rarely gone off without a hitch.  In most cases it resulted in a bomb not seen since the Manhattan Project.  But I was past the point of no return now and was pacing the halls of my dorm so much I was burning a hole in the carpet.

Self-doubt was at an all time high.  Corinne was a whole new level since we really were tight friends and the last thing I wanted was to shut that all down because I was going into rut season.  I consider stepping away from the phone and retreating to my usual defensive posture.  However, the Ghost of Christmas Past decided to pay me a visit.

In a moment, I suddenly hear a voice from years before.  The thick Kenyan accent flashes through my memory…

Stop being afraid.

Yes, Sensei.


I grab the dorm payphone and make the call.  It takes a few moments as someone fetches her.  I do my best to keep it cool.

“Hi Corinne!  I was wondering if you were busy tonight and wanted to get out for the evening?”

“That would be great!  What do you want to do?” she says, not skipping a beat.  It suddenly occurred to me I had not actually planned anything for her saying ‘yes’.  Think fast man!

“Marry you and have four kids.”  Thankfully I did not say this.

He's looking a little shaky at the plate.

“Uh, how about a movie and diner afterwards?”  I was maybe going a little above any beyond what should have been a simple coffee date, but it was still under par for the course.  Hey, I was still getting the hang of this, so shut up.

“Ok!  What time?”

Odd, she sounds like she legitimately wants to go.  Nuts!  I haven’t planned for this contingency!  I blurt out the only words I can thing of.

“See you in the lounge around four?”  Why four?  No idea.  I could have just as easily said ‘Liverwurst’.

“Great!  See you at four!”  Wait, did I just successfully ask Corinne out on a date?  Holy crap, I just asked the hot brunette out on a date and she agreed.  I play it cool and slowly hang up the phone.  Witnesses would say I did a rather impressive moonwalk back to my room.  I knock on the door across the hall and Andrew opens.

“Guess which guy is going on a date tonight?”

“She said yes?”  Andrew was clearly happy for me.

I’m strutting now.  “She.  Said.  Yes.”  I check the clock.  It’s three hours until show time.  Andrew asks me the dreaded question, “Where are you going?”

“I said diner and a…”  I hesitate.  “…movie.”

Time for your Cultural Clarity Lesson moment.

I was still learning, folks.

Movies were discouraged for Bible college attendees during this time since the subject matter generally contained a fair amount of T&A.  It was a “Keep Your Eye on the Ball” way of governing the students, and it made sense from that perspective.

I however, was still adjusting to this way of thinking which meant I was technically breaking a dorm rule and asking Corinne to do the same.  I really didn’t mean to, I just had no frame of reference for what made a good date.  You might say I had minimal experience on the subject.

“Oh.”  Andrew was a straight Baptist shooter and a little put out.  “What movie?”

“I ah, don’t know.  I didn’t expect her to say yes so I, um…improvised.”  Panicked was more like it.  There’s hint of desperation in my voice.

“Well, we better  get you ready, “ Andrew says.  I’m walking the halls in an old t-shirt and underwear.  I look down then agree.  “Yeah, this might be a little forward.”

NEXT: Chapter 76: Bill Murray to the Rescue

John Paul Parrot ( aka. The Dysfunctional Parrot ) is a disgruntled Systems Analyst who wanders the Canadian wastelands saving small villages with the power of Kung Fu.  His chair is also a little too close to the twenty year old microwave.  As you can well imagine, this has had certain side effects.

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